Episode #900
May 2, 2026
Recently, everything is backwards for me.
I had shoulder surgery, which left my right arm in a sling. I have strict instructions from my surgeon not to “activate my shoulder.” This means no lifting, no pulling, no moving the arm outwards, forward, or back. FYI, I am right-handed, but now effectively left-handed.
I can’t drive, so Paula drives, and I sit in the right seat of the car, weird.
The mouse on my computer desk is on the left side now. The left (regular) click is my middle finger, and the right click is my index. Opposite of normal — backwards.
And then there’s typing. Left-handed hunt and peck? It will never happen. Fortunately, I have discovered dictation on my Mac. It is incredibly accurate. Unfortunately, when someone in the room says something, it also goes in my manuscript.
When I write with a pen on paper, I still write from left to right, but I form the letters (such as a zero) clockwise instead of counterclockwise. My hand gets lost if I don’t. This reminds me of a high school friend, whose parlor trick was to place a pen in his left hand and write script from right to left in a perfect mirror image.
I pour water into the left side of the coffee maker reservoir instead of the right side.
I used to floss my teeth from right to left. I find that flossing from left to right is easier for me now. This may sound strange, but the start of brushing my teeth is a bottom-to-top action instead of a top-to-bottom. In other words, it is up and down instead of down and up.
I won’t embarrass myself talking about putting on socks, bathroom duties, or pulling up pants. They’re not really a left or right-handed thing. There are two-handed operations.
My customary seat on the couch is on the left side. I think I’ll have to move to the right side because I can no longer pass items to my wife.
Cooking is a two-handed operation. My arm in the sling has put our cookware and our meals at risk.
I have to exercise caution with my arm, even in the sling. If I drop something, the instinct is to reach out and grab it with my right hand. My surgeon would not like that, and neither do I. The one time that it happened, my shoulder hurt, but it’s OK now. The safest behavior is to just let the thing fall.
Hugging my wife is a weird, awkward sideways affair.
Working in the shop is nearly impossible. All my right-hand muscle memory does not work. Some of my tools are even made to be right-handed. Almost every operation requires both my hands.
In the garden, shovels, hoses, and brooms are backwards. Digging, mowing, and sweeping are impossible.
This left-handed thing is not completely alien to me. When I was in high school, I was taught to run high hurdles by a left-handed person. Normally, a right-handed person will lead over the hurdles with his left foot pushing off on the stronger native foot. I was taught to lead with my right foot by my left-handed mentor. As a freshman, however, I was too short to take three steps between hurdles, so I had to take four steps and alternate my lead foot. This made me an ambidextrous hurdler, but slowed me down because of the extra steps. The next year, I grew enough to take only three steps in between hurdles. Even though I was adept at leading with either leg, I reverted to leading southpaw because that is how I learned.
Just about the time that I get all of this right, the sling will come off, and I’ll have to figure it out all over again, backwards.
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